Today as I sit down to write, my heart silently whispers a prayer for All such Men ,who suffer in silence .

M MACHO ?️‍♂️
E EMPATHETIC?‍♂️
N NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED !?‍♂️

MEN ARE ABUSED TOO !

ABUSE is a very toxic trait slithering its way into people’s lives and changing it forever,leaving deep scars …as it slithers away …(if you are lucky)!

So how does it make it any different for men ?
The SOCIETY,Yes ,with its rigid definitions and expectations.As per a study 2 out of every 5 Victims of Domestic Violence are Men.

The prejudice against Men :

He is not supposed to cry out for help even if a thorn pierces his soul,life oozing out as he lies there helplessly bleeding …

*Don be sissy,why are you crying (like a woman ),c’mon be a man can’t you control one woman so on so forth …are some of the” supposed to Bs” hurled at him carelessly.

Inside that macho body lives a sensitive soul too.A soul that thrives on good emotions like love,acceptence,appreciation and above all Respect.There is a lil boy there who loves to be cuddled ,his hair ruffled ,his cheeks kissed and his soul treasured!Yes he craves all your attention ,would shy away from accepting it but he does !

…&Then

This little boy gets a partner with stars in his eyes and dreams untold,for a life filled with beauty and togetherness.
Suddenly the ride becomes a little bumpy,oh it happens!Life is after all, all about ups and downs,he reasons.

Days go by,years go by…something feels amiss…

He looks back ,sees the lil boy sitting in a corner,tears have left a dark muddy trail on his pale cheeks …his wrinkled coat hanging aimlessly on his drooping shoulders…and The Smile wiped out !!!

He is confused ,as thats what he has been all these years…he is unable to recognize himself!Something hurts deep inside …
Slowly each piece of the jigsaw puzzle… (yea thats what his life felt )started falling into place.

He had lost himself to an abusive relationship.
(Abuse can be Emotional /Physical/Sexual/Financial/Verbal)

*The most difficult part & the First step to your liberation is Identifying that the relationship is abusive.
Here are a few tips :

1)VERBAL ABUSE:
*Discussions each time escalate to levels of shouting ,yelling,name calling ,belittling .Verbal Abuse is worse,the scars left are deep,though never seen.If you feel confused and end up convincing yourself that it was all your fault that things blew out of proportions and apologise each time,you are in an abusive relationship.

2)EMOTIONAL ABUSE:

a)Manipulation :
*When you are lied to,manipulated ,repeatedly to always have their way.
*Smooth talker,plays with your emotions,will say things that you want to hear and slowly turn everything around to suit them. Denies having said things when you confront them about their prior commitments.

b)Gaslighting :

*Your feelings ,needs are never a matter of concern.You feel you are always walking on egg shells around them.Anything you say or do can trigger the outburts .
Its a rollar coaster of emotions,one day they are very loving and caring , expressive and the next thy turn all cold and unapproachable.And when you are told its all your fault.

*Always apologising.

*Wonder if you are being over sensitive for feeling the way you do.You know something is not right but can’t put your finger on it.

*Making excuses for your partner.Avoiding queries from friends and family not to give away the reality of your partner.Putting up a brave front ,pretending all is well.

*You no longer feel the person you used to be .Less confident and more anxious.

*Hard to make decisions.

*Hopeless. Nothing excites you anymore.Your hobbies have taken a back seat.The activities you enjoyed earlier do not make you happy anymore.

c)Criticism:

*Brainwashing you to feel worthless.Your beliefs ,ambitions are rediculed.
*Calling you names,belittling, humiliating ,lacks respect.
*Makes you doubt your sanity.

d)Isolation:

*Is either over protective or displays extreme jealousy patterns.
*Too demading ,irrational need to keep you to themselves denying you the right to meet friends and family.
*Will get emotionally distant to control you.
*Will never approve of any relationship you have (work /personal)

e)Controlling:

*Will decide everything ,from what you eat to how you dress up,do your hair .Will make you feel bad if you don’t to the extent that you start doubting yourself.

f)Sabotage:

*Will make you miss important occassions ,work,any activity that you like.Having a meltdown,sudden health issues,Hiding your car keys or making other abrupt plans just to disrupt yours.

g)Blame:

*Constant blame game so that you feel guilty all the time.Accuses you of having a bad memory.

h)Anger:

*Over reacting and sudden outbursts .Picks up a fight at little or just no provocation.
*You live in constant fear to blowing things out of proportion.
*So you give in,apologise and end up feeling hurt ,humiliated and confused.Contradictory thoughts all fog up the mind for you know it wasnt your fault.

3)ECONOMIC ABUSE:

*Controls the finances to the extent of blocking you from accessing it.
*Controls what and how you spend your own money.
*Trivilizes your choices and wishes to procure some thing. Will convince you that its a waste of money ,or a bad choice.

4)PHYSICAL ABUSE:

*Destroyspersonal property.
*Throws things around.
*Pushes you around,chokes or bites,punches,hurts.
*Threatens to harm children ,pets.
*Threatens to divorce /seperate just to destabalise you.
*Self harm.
*Sexual proximity either denied or forced.

If You My Friend are dealing with this ,
Just know IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT !
If these signs are there ,seek help,talk to anyone you trust…ABUSE IS NEVER OK !

If anyone you know is struggling ,please be more empathetic.
Lend a patient ear.
Do not make fun or doubt his masculinity.
Do not judge.
Help him identify ,friends are the first ones to know ,help him speak up,seek professional help …just dont leave him alone.
Be there …pull him out slowly.

EACH LIFE DESERVES DIGNITY !

Love
Daisy ❣

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